Alright, I guess it's time for the 9 weeks post.

The past week has been filled with ups and downs.  I thrived on my medicine for a few glorious days, and then it stopped working and I started puking again.  That wasn't fun.  So I got some Zofran.  I'm no longer throwing up and I have somewhat of an appetite, but I do feel nauseas.  Quite nauseas.  I guess that's how this medicine works.  Take off the edge and stop the puke.  I'll take it!

Mornings are going well for me.  I wake up with energy and drive.  I get as much done as I can during that time.  I've been really busy preparing for and teaching joy school and it's been really fun.  I spend a good part of the morning getting the kids ready and off to school with help from Justin (thank goodness).  I've been grocery shopping and cleaning in the mornings.  Unfortunately, morning passes and hell begins.  Around 2:30 I start to feel miserably sick and soooo tired.  Every day that passes brings me a day closer to my 2nd trimester and I can't wait!  Clearly, patience is a lesson God would have me learn.  I'm trying!

Jacob spent some time snuggling my belly yesterday.  It's so so nice to have him hug and kiss "the baby."  It's not so nice when he tells me how squishy it is.  :)  When the kids got home from school yesterday he told Everett, "Our baby's gonna come out!"  Ah, someday!  He tells me there's a baby inside of him too.  Not sure how to break the news to him that that's never going to happen.  I guess he'll figure it out in time.  I bought him a little baby doll and he has fun pretending it's talking and walking.  I showed him how to hold it gently and he really loved that.

Everett doesn't show a ton of interest but does sometimes talk about the babe.  He is happy about it but very busy in his own world of Kindergarten, reading, and time on the Wii!  Charity is more willing to help me, knowing that I don't feel well.  She is excited for the baby but also understands that it takes a loooong time so she's not very focused on it yet.

Justin is still a huge help to me despite being very busy with work and other various projects.  He is probably starting to get bored with his sick wife who never wants to leave the house in the evenings and falls asleep by 9 without fail.  The smell of his shampoo, deodorant, skin, breath, hair, etc. gives me goose bumps (not in a good way) so he's probably sick of feeling like the black plague.  He is a good and patient husband and I can't wait to feel better so I can pull my own weight around here!

This week was better than last and I'm hoping next week is even better!  I came across an AWESOME site that shows amazing photos of fetal development.  Check it out: http://www.ehd.org/prenatal-images.php?thum_id=358  I didn't know my baby was so cute already!  Hooray!

I realize it's a horrid picture but that's what you get when you take a picture of yourself in a dirty bathroom mirror with the flash on.  The bump is clearly visible so I'm okay with it.  :)

8 Weeks

Today I am 8 weeks pregnant!  That's 2 months.  Hooray!  As I pondered over this past week I thought, "How am I going to write about this week and stay true to my blog's title.  I honestly don't know how to take a positive spin on what was an awful week."  I spent a lot of time becoming intimately acquainted with my toilet bowl.  I felt miserable.  I was dehydrated, dizzy, nauseas, exhausted, and emotionally overwhelmed.  I lost 5 lbs just last week.  BUT THEN. . . two wonderful things happened.

First of all, I had an ultrasound and got to see my little babe.  When I showed up at the dr. I had no idea they planned to give me an ultrasound and wasn't interested in getting one, but they insisted that in order to see the dr., they had to give me one.  "After all", the nurse said, "we don't even know you are pregnant."  Hello!  Pee test!  Anyway, at first I was upset and then I got over it and just wanted to get it done so I could see the dr.  I'm really glad I did because seeing my baby was amazing.  I could see and hear it's tiny heart beating.  It doesn't even have clearly defined arms and legs yet, but still, something about seeing my baby made me love it.  I felt instantly that all of the difficulty I have had is so worth it.  It was so rewarding to see what all of this sickness is going toward: the creation of a human being!  It blows my mind.

Secondly, after my ultrasound, I visited with the dr. and he prescribed me some meds to help with my nausea and vomiting.  HOO freaking RAY!  I can't stress how ecstatic that makes me.  I took a pill yesterday and one today and so far today has been pretty good.  Am I still nauseas?  Oh yeah, but I actually had an appetite this morning and I was able to eat breakfast, enjoy it, and keep it down.  I am thrilled.  I am very optimistic that this medicine will make things bearable for the remainder of this first trimester until I'm feeling good enough on my own to eat what this baby needs.

So there you have it, still trying to take a positive approach.  :)

7 weeks. . .and counting.

This week has been, to put it lightly, a rough one.  I have felt so so so very sick.  This Sunday around lunch time, my tooth started aching.  It started out a little sore, and within an hour I was moaning and writhing around in pain.  Justin tried calling a million dentists and no one would see me because it was after hours and I was not a patient.  I ended up taking percocet because I was in so much pain.  Anyone who knows me well knows that it must have been serious because I hate taking medicine unless absolutely necessary.  Every six hours on the dot I needed another pill all through Sunday and Sunday night.  The next day, Justin stayed home to watch the kids while I went to see the dentist.  I hurled up both my breakfast and lunch (I know you wanted to know that), and could barely eat dinner.  I'm hoping it was just the after-effects of percocet that made me so nauseas and not just pregnancy because a pregnant girl has got to eat.  At the dentist I found out that I need a root canal and a $1200 crown!  Holy Schneikies!  Basically it was a terrible, awful, no good, very bad weekend.

However, I woke up this morning feeling okay.  I drank a protein shake for breakfast and still felt okay.  I took Jacob to his first day of preschool and still felt okay.  I ate lunch at torchy's and still felt okay.  I went to a meeting, went to the store, and picked up Jacob, and I still feel okay!  Hooray!  I think feeling so awful over the weekend has really put things in perspective for me.  It could always be worse and I'm grateful that I'm only feeling as sick as I am, because I know there could be a million things piled on top of it and today, there aren't.  I'm feeling pretty optimistic at the moment.

I am so so grateful for Justin.  I feel like he's my mommy right now.  :)  He does everything for me when I'm not feeling well.  Grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, child care, making me tea every day, serving me food (no small task when I'm feeling so picky), making appointments for me, doing all he can to get the kids ready for school, scratching my back, entertaining me AND kicking butt at his full time job and free lance work, among other things.  Thank you honey!  I love you so much and can't wait till I feel well enough to return the favor.  I'm also grateful for great friends who have sympathized, cooked dinner, and watched kids for me.  You know who you are.  Thank you!

When things were hard this weekend I had a really hard time focusing on the fact that at the end of this pregnancy, I get to have another amazing child.  Today while I was driving back from Jacob's preschool, I felt so so excited just thinking about how wonderful it is going to be to hold my sweet baby.  It's going to be so fun to see Charity, Everett, and Jacob greet a new sibling.  I can't wait to see how our lives change.  I know things won't be perfect, but another member of our family=more love.  More love is always a wonderful thing!

I lost a couple pounds this week with all the sickness, but the baby bump is still coming along nicely!

6 weeks preggo

Our baby is about the size of a small pea now.

I'm feeling human enough to sit down and type a blog post real quick.  Tomorrow I'll be 6 weeks pregnant.  They say morning sickness is supposed to start about now but, for me, it's already in full swing.  Everything makes me sick.  Good smells, bad smells, any taste, even certain words make me ill.  I'm trying really hard to be positive still and force myself to smile and say how happy I am or how much I love whatever I'm eating.  That helps a little.  The kids are about to start school and I have a million and one things to do so I think I will be sufficiently distracted over the next week to not go completely crazy.  I know that looking back, this time will have flown by.  

I have my first appointment with a midwife tomorrow so that is something exciting to look forward to!   I can't wait to hear a heart beat, see an ultrasound, and ultimately, have my baby in my arms! 

Baby #4 Week #6

I have now completed 5 weeks of pregnancy.  I am really starting to feel pregnant now.  I wake up starving and nauseated and still feeling exhausted.  I have strange cravings and aversions.  I never want to eat chicken again.  Yesterday I wanted to eat freshly cooked pasta with nothing on top.  From lunch till after dinner seems to be my sickest time of day.  I'm bloated beyond belief.  If I relax my tummy completely, I look 5 months pregnant rather than 5 weeks.  I'm exhausted.  I have strange and vivid dreams.  My back hurts.  I have had lots of cramps.  I'm exhausted.  I have heartburn.  I'm exhausted.  Oh, did I mention I'm exhausted?  :)

They say you show sooner with each pregnancy.  I'm living proof.

Justin and I get excited with each new symptom that comes along.  What we've prayed and hoped for for so long is finally here!  We had family come to visit last week and decided that we would tell them the good news but we wanted to tell our kids first so when Justin said our bed time prayer, he thanked Heavenly Father for several blessings, each of our kids, our home, and the last thing he mentioned was that he was grateful that mommy is pregnant and we are going to have a new brother or sister in our family.  Charity was thrilled, Everett was mildly interested, and Jacob didn't seem to understand at all.  Despite their different reactions, when the big day comes, I know they are all going to be wonderful older siblings to their little brother or sister.

We told Justin's mom and sisters, my sisters and Daryl and all of their kids.  Everyone seemed happy and excited!  My side of the family hasn't had a new baby for a while.  Jacob was the last one and that was almost 3 years ago.  We had tons of fun having our family in town although I probably wasn't the best hostess, napping during the day and going to bed early at night.

We are enjoying thinking about baby names and already wondering about our baby's gender.  Charity says she doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's tiny.  Hopefully she won't be too disappointed if I bust out a 13 pounder.  Let's pray that doesn't happen.  :)

I found out from my endocrinologist that my Vitamin D is low so I'm trying to get an appt. with a midwife asap so I can get a good prescription to bring my levels up.  I'll be meeting with my endo once a month during this first trimester to make sure my thyroid levels are in check.

There is soooo much to do before the birth of this baby.  I got rid of all my baby stuff (thinking I was done having kids), so I have to buy everything all over again.  Our car seats 5 and we will soon be a family of 6 so we've got some serious saving to do.  It's a bit stressful to have so much to buy but it's also exciting.  I'm excited to get new maternity clothes and to buy cute new baby stuff.  I'm thrilled to be working toward getting a van with lots of room for our growing family.

Although pregnancy can be rough and feeling sick is never fun, I am thrilled to be pregnant again and hope I can stay positive and create some good memories.

Jacob and I sweating our guts out at Sea World last week.  You can see how thrilled he is.  :)

Back for more

After 6 months that felt like 6 years, we are finally pregnant! Today I am a little more than 3 weeks pregnant. Super early, I know. The day before yesterday I used a pregnancy test, not expecting anything at all. I'm probably the pregnancy test industry's best customer. The possibility that I could be pregnant and the excitement that brings always outweighs my desire to be sensible. So, I took the test, feeling 99.9% positive that it would be negative. After the standard 3 minute wait, I looked at the test and saw nothing at first glance. So I kept waiting till the 10 minute mark when I checked it out again. When I picked it up and held it just right in the perfect lighting, I saw a second pink line. It was so so so so very very faint I wasn't sure it was really even there. I did some online research and found that it's not uncommon for an extremely faint line to appear, even when you aren't pregnant. My line was certainly extremely faint. After reading through several forums, I found instructions for how to determine if this is the real deal or not on this website: http://www.amandabears.com/how-to-tweak-a-pregnancy-test.html . It even has a name, "tweaking." I uploaded my picture, viewed it up close, changed the exposure, and couldn't even see the line any more. Bummer. I now felt 100% positive that I was not pregnant. I was no stranger to this feeling and moved on quickly.

The next morning, I got up for my early morning potty break and Justin asked me if I was going to take the other pregnancy test I had tucked away in the bathroom drawer. I felt sure that I either wasn't pregnant or that it was way too early to tell so I hadn't even thought of taking another test. But Justin's question caught me off guard and opened my mind to the possibility of testing again. After he left for work I went about my day but the next time I needed to pee I made a completely impulsive decision to test again. 3 minutes later I checked out the test and this time there was DEFINITELY a line! Eureka! Pregnant at last! I still couldn't believe my eyes and bought another digital test today. In less than a minute my result appeared: pregnant!

Because it's so early on in the pregnancy and because we had such a hard time getting pregnant, Justin and I both feel extremely paranoid and worried about everything. I had believed that it just wasn't possible for us, that we were doomed to infertility forever, that my body was broken and I needed a dr. to make things right before we would ever achieve conception. I feel so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing just the right circumstances to take place in order to achieve pregnancy. There are so many factors that contribute to a successful pregnancy, so much that can go wrong and so much that has to be just right. It is such great evidence to me that this is God's work. It seems that whenever I feel like God might not be on my side, He proves to me, in a huge way, that He is.

I don't have many symptoms so far since it's so early, but I'm grateful for each one that I do have because it means this is really real and I am actually experiencing pregnancy for probably the last time. I'm tired, I have a big appetite, I seem to have already lost my mind (pregnancy forgetfulness), I mix up words, I get really hot and really cold, I'm starting to notice intense smells, I have some cramps, and I'm seriously bloated, among some other things. I'm excited for things to progress and for my pregnancy to become more obvious to me. I don't feel much different than I did last month other than the things mentioned above.

I'm trying hard to eat well and continue to exercise. I am cutting out refined sugar for the most part (special occasions aside) and focusing on eating fruit and veggies as much as possible. I've been taking prenatal vitamins for several months now so I'm already in that habit.

Justin and I bought a bottle of fancy sparkling peach pop from Ikea a few weeks ago and we've been saving it for this moment. Actually drinking it and toasting to being parents again was a little different than I imagined. The kids were up late and when they were FINALLY all in bed, Justin poured our drink into two mugs and I sat up in bed, toasted, had two sips, then immediately fell asleep. That's pregnancy for ya.

My mind is going a million miles a minute and pregnancy is pretty much all I can think about right now. I'm excited for the actual date my period is due to come and go. I'm excited for several weeks to pass so Justin and I can share the good news with our family. Most of all, I am thrilled to be on my way to having another amazing daughter or son!

How to stay positive now!?!?!

I am now 3 days past my "guess date"-- longer than I've ever been pregnant before! I have spent a good part of the past 3 days freaking out internally. I have wondered about every possible complication and considered every natural induction method. However, something has kept me from acting. I did try pressing an accupressure point on my hand on Wednesday night. On Thursday, I had contractions that were between 4 and 10 minutes apart for the ENTIRE DAY! I got pretty excited and thought surely my baby would be born that evening or at least by the next day. Come Friday morning, I was still babyless and I had reached my "guess date." Here are a few methods I have considered:

Foley Balloon Catheter: I haven't really considered this one but I know it is an option. I also know that it can lead to frustration if it doesn't fall out when you are ready for it to and possibly to malposition of the baby's head. Also, you could remain 4 cm dilated for weeks after and wonder why the heck nothing is happening.

Accupressure points: As I mentioned before, I already tried this one. It did seem to lead to some contractions but it was frustrating that those contractions never became more intense or closer or longer. I don't want to go through another day of contractions that may or may not be effectively dilating my cervix.

Herbs: I have been taking a five week herbal formula that tones my uterus. I could take larger doses of blue and black cohosh but they thin your blood and you run the risk of hemorrhaging after birth. No thanks! Evening primrose oil can soften your cervix but from what I understood at my last prenatal appointment, my cervix is nice and soft, just not dilated past a 1. What I need are effective contractions! Red raspberry leaf tea doesn't actually induce labor, just tones your uterus.

Nipple Stimulation: Nipple stimulation does produce oxytocin which leads to contractions. It also has some possibly unpleasant and dangerous side effects. On the unpleasant side, you have to stimulate your nipples for fifteen minutes at a time for hours on end. Sounds like my idea of hell. Also, you can overstimulate your uterus causing your water to break or your baby to be distressed. And as always, you run the risk of having lots of fun contractions that are ineffective.

Castor Oil: Castor oil pretty much works by causing intestinal cramps that irritate the uterus and cause it to contract. It also causes horrible diarrhea. Besides the fact that horrible diarrhea would be no fun, it can also lead to dehydration. Dehydration can lead to low amniotic fluid which can lead to medical induction which can lead to c-section. Also, a dehydrated uterus leads to very painful contractions. As always, it doesn't always lead to the start of labor. Oh yes, and it tastes nasty.

Stripping membranes: Stripping the amniotic membranes away from the cervix can produce prostiglandins which can ripen the cervix. You run the risk of your membranes accidentally being ruptured which then puts you "on the clock." Your baby needs to be born within a certain amount of time, whether he is ready to or not. I have also heard that it can be a rather painful procedure. I am considering trying this method if I am still pregnant tomorrow at my prenatal appointment. We'll see!

There is always sex, walking, and eating certain foods. I don't put much stock into the food idea but I'm not opposed to either the sex or the walking. Neither has produced any results for me thus far though!

So, I am thinking the "wait patiently and remain positive" approach is probably going to be the one for me! I am not even considered to be medically overdue until 42 weeks and I am only a few days past my "guess date." As long as Jacob and I are both healthy I don't see a good reason to induce. He might be using these last few days to receive further instruction from my mom or Doug or my grandparents on how to best help our family or how to transition to earth life. He might be learning about the physical sensations he will experience here. I know I am having experiences that I might not otherwise have if he had already been born. I got so worked up and crazy the other day that I had to sing a hymn to calm myself down. I forgot how powerful hymns can be. It was so comforting to me and I am so glad I was able to have that experience. I sang the hymn, How Great Thou Art, and I was able to really contemplate what an amazing creator the Lord is and how lucky and blessed I am to be a partner in that along with my husband.

I wanted my kids to be able to go to Cornbelly's this year and have a fun Halloween activity before the baby is here. We were able to go on Saturday because I am still pregnant. They had a way good time and got one more day to be our two kids before they will have another sibling to consider.

I have been having some pretty intense and vivid dreams about my aunt for the past week or so. I woke up Sunday morning and started listening to one of my hypnosis scripts. I was thinking about my dream and decided to call my aunt right away. I was thinking of what I would say on her answering machine if she didn't pick up. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was her! She was in my driveway. Talking to her was something I wanted to do before the "the baby's here" call. She has a really healthy perspective on pregnancy and what a blessing it is and what a huge experience it must be for the baby. It was great to talk to her. Later that day, Justin took the kids to church and I stayed home and got a lot of time to myself to think about how I really feel. I felt calm and prepared. I told Jacob that Mommy is ready for him but he is welcome to stay as long as he needs to. Justin gave me a blessing a few weeks ago and blessed me with patience and calm and I have definitely needed it. I am so grateful that he is able to use his priesthood to bless me with things that I need.

I want to have the best possible birth experience and I think that starts with going into labor at the perfect time for me and my baby. Jacob will be born on his birthday! :) And I will have the peace of knowing it was the right day for him!